Better Than Me
by Croutonic Sarcasm
Summary: Based off of Hinder's song "Better Than Me." KakuHi fanfic, meaning yaoi. Oneshot, no more chapters.


Author's Note: Yeah, my first KakuHi fanfic. Yay for me! Based off the song "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I'm changing parts of the song to fit and those changes will be in brackets; **[**these things in case you don't know**]**. However, I'll make sure that these changes actually fit with the rhythm of the song, so it won't be too bad. Parts of it may be metaphorical interpretation too, where I can't change the lyrics without changing too much of the song. The point of view will change as well, so don't get lost! So then; read on! ^^

Oh yeah. Naruto's not mine, blah blah blah {Insert copyright of Kishimoto and Hinder here}. You know the drill.

_**  
**_**I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe  
Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
The edge of the bed  
Where your [dumb ass] used to be**

Hidan frowned, laying in the cool bed of the ratty, run-down hotel alone. Sure, Kakuzu, the greedy ass, was somewhere near the hotel and would eventually return to the hotel to sleep in the other bed of the room, but that was just it; Kakuzu would sleep in the _other_ sighed, leaning against the wall of the wall, sitting up with the covers up to his waist, chest bare. His scythe was across the room, leaning in a corner, and his Akatsuki cloak was in a heap by the bed along with his headband (there was no way in hell he'd sleep with that huge ass thing around his neck!)as well as his shoes and the white leg warmers.

The Jashinist sighed, holding onto his rosary tightly to his lips, the Jashin symbol clutched in his thin fingers. The green nail polish he wore was beginning to chip off, but Hidan didn't give a fuck. It never really mattered anyway. He closed his eyes, trying to seek solace in prayer to Jashin, but there was merely cold silence greeting his fervent pleas. _Maybe if I hadn't been so damn...myself._ He thought after his prayers reached the apparently deaf ears of his god. _Maybe I shouldn't of called him 'dumbfuck' and 'asshole' and 'greedy bastard' and shit like that..._ He thought, his lavender eyes covered over with glossy sadness._ I bet that saying that I didn't love him didn't help..._

_  
_**I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you**

Hidan sighed, the rosary slipping through his fingers like water to fall on his chest._I know I said I won't miss you...but I do._He spoke to the absent sutured Taki nin. His violet hues closed over, melancholy, and he began to remember, not what had made him so damn angry at Kakuzu, but rather what he loved about him.

The first time that Hidan had conceded enough pride to lay in the same bed beside Kakuzu and allowed the other to take the dominant role, holding Hidan to his chest rather than the Jashinist's original wish...

The first time that Kakuzu had finally allowed Hidan to see his face, remembering how nervous Kakuzu was even though it was only visible by a minuscule tightening of his eyes...

The first time that Hidan's pride had finally melted enough that Kakuzu could touch him, how Kakuzu, though he hid it, was so happy at how submissive Hidan had turned out to be...

Finding out that Hidan really could take it up the ass...and like it, to his eternal shame. No. No, not to his eternal shame, but as an act of trust to Kakuzu. Oh, Jashin, it had been so fucking _good_...

**  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes**

Hidan sighed, remembering the past with his lover, wishing that he hadn't done what he did to push Kakuzu away.

_Kakuzu was on top of Hidan, both naked as the day they were born, kissing passionately. Hidan moaned as Kakuzu's hand wandered lower, tweaking a nipple pleasurably before sliding down the Jashinist's toned body. Hidan shook from how damn good it felt, each touch of Kakuzu's experienced hands causing Hidan to moan nearly continuously. Jashin, Hidan was so damn turned on that as Kakuzu neared his erection, Hidan bucked his hips up, wanting more than that teasing, fleeting touch. _

"_Oh, Jashin, Kakuzu, _please!_" He cried out, nearly crying he was so hard. Kakuzu removed his hand and replaced it with his body, grinding against the smaller man with his own arousal. Hidan nearly screamed, wrapping his legs around Kakuzu's waist as he raised his hips to match Kakuzu's movements. He was no longer able to think correctly but for stuttering out Kakuzu's name in pieces here and there, feeling Kakuzu's freed hair spill over the man's shoulders and barely touch Hidan's chest. The feeling grew stronger as Kakuzu came closer to kiss Hidan, his tongue in Hidan's mouth, and oh, Jashin, Hidan could just DIE it felt so good and loving the taste of his boyfriend. Kakuzu tasted sweet, almost, but not too sweet, just right..._

**  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
**

But of course, good things never last, and Hidan had been dumped. Hidan sighed yet again, looking out the window of the hotel. He just saw the darkness that only grew deeper when he attempted to peerinto the woods that surrounded the shitty hotel in the outskirts of Fire Country. Kakuzu was out there, Hidan could feel it, his eyes desperately, silently, pleading for Kakuzu to return. He stared for quite some time, but as the moon began to rise, he tore his gaze away from the trees. He laid down properly in the bed after turning off the small lamp on the rickety night stand, his back to the open window, the soft sound of the tattered curtains a poor lullaby. _I shouldn't of been so asinine and annoying._ He thought, closing his eyes and attempting to sleep. _I don't mean to, you know. I think..._ His thoughts hesitated, then he ploughed resolutely on before he could think about it too much. _You deserve much better than me._

**  
While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for**

Kakuzu sighed too, mirroring Hidan, although his was much more quiet, the only indication that it was unhappy in the slight creasing of his uniquely colored eyes. He stood in the woods within sight of the hotel, glancing at the run-down structure occasionally, though most of his attention was focused on what he held. It was a small Jashinist Bible, well cared for, though clearly old with random bloodstains and scribbles in the margins. It was bound in very expensive black leather with the patron god's name on the front cover as well as the symbol for the religion, small enough that Kakuzu could nearly cover it with his large hand. Kakuzu had snuck it out of Hidan's cloak when Hidan had left to go shower, knowing that Hidan wouldn't check that it was there before going to sleep.

Hidan, impulsive and disrespectful as ever, apparently used the front and back empty pages of the Bible as a sort of journal, with major milestones in his life written down along with the emotions associated with them. Kakuzu believed that it was Hidan's way of remembering when he forgot his past from getting hit on the head in a fight and getting knocked out. Not surprisingly, it was a fairly common occurrence.

He looked to the first page. Some random scribbles were there, mainly to do with Hidan's life in Yugakure. Kakuzu flipped the page. Then there were major achievements for his religion, like finding the temple where he learned from and going higher in the ranks of the priests and things like that. Kakuzu flipped to the back of the small book,hoping to skip ahead in the years to see the past year or so. He was right, the past year had a few entries.

_March 25__th__: Kakuzu and I are now dating. I feel...glad._

_April 2__nd__: My birthday. Kakuzu doesn't know though. I let him hold me and we slept in the same bed, but that was it._

Kakuzu frowned. That was true, it had been the second the first time Hidan he let Kakuzu hold him. Kakuzu, though usually on top of small details, had never known when Hidan's birthday was. He did now. He felt a slight pang of regret in his heart. His original heart**, **that is. Kakuzu made a mental note to remember Hidan's birthday next year. As he flipped to the backside of the same page and it nearly fell out, he thought that a new Jashinist Bible for Hidan might be a good idea. He perused the most recent entries.

**  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room**

_September _16th _17__th__ : Kakuzu and I had sex last night. I feel...content. I was unsure, because he was my first, and I was uke. It...wasn't that bad (well, no, it was fucking great), but my ass hurts now. Ha, I should really expect that..._

There was more, a surprisingly long entry for Hidan's usual rash and headlong manner, but then again, losing his virginity was a pretty big thing. Then the statement really hit home. Kakuzu blinked, eyes wider by less than a millimeter. He didn't know that he had been Hidan's first. Kakuzu was beginning to realize that there was a lot about Hidan that hedidn't know. His eyes glanced down the paper to see an entry marked with today's date. He stared at the date for a minute, wanting to know how Hidan really felt, but also slightly nervous. What if what Hidan had claimed was true? Kakuzu's eyes wandered down to read the entry itself, pushing such thoughts away.

**  
I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember**_  
_**What it feels like beside you  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**

_November 20__th__: __I should of expected it. He's in love with his fucking money. He doesn't have time for me.__ He broke up with me because I insulted him and told him I didn't love him. I really should stop doing that.__I always was told that pride would be my downfall at the temple. _

_I didn't think I'd miss him...but I do. I can't get him out of my fucking head, he's always in my thoughts. I'll walk with him and he'll say something like making a camp and I'll remember the first time we cuddled and shit. It makes me fucking miserable, that's what this shit does. I should never__said what I said. I miss how he feels, laying next to me, arm around my waist. He always __makes__made me feel safe. You know...I think that he deserves much better than me..._

**  
The bed I'm lying in is getting colder**

Hidan sighed, uncomfortable, though the bed was quite soft, surprisingly. The blanket was decent too; maybe the 'Zombie Twins' had scared the stupid receptionist bitch enough to get the good room. But no matter how comfortable the bed was, no matter how warm the blanket was,he couldn't help feeling cold. Kakuzu had always been there, even if it was across the room counting his Jashin-damned money. But now...

Hidan felt even colder when he went to snuggle into Kakuzu's arms, expecting the other to wrap them around the cold Jashinist to warm him, then remembered. Kakuzu wasn't there. Hidan took a deep breath, trying to keep his face free of tears, such a pansy-ass thing to do, cry,and he was sure than Jashin would be disgusted with how he was acting. But damn...Hidan just felt so fucking alone...

**  
Wish I never would've said it's over**

Kakuzustood up silently, placing the small Bible in his cloak inside a secure pocket. There was no way any harm was going to befall the book as long as Kakuzu held it. He took a step back towards the hotel, but faltered as he saw a light go off in the room he had booked with Hidan. He kept his gaze on the dark room, then averted his gaze to look at he ground for a moment, a small expression of regret._ I know you too well, I should of known that you wouldn't say such a stupid thing like 'love' back._ Kakuzu had told Hidan how he felt, being the type to simply state what he felt when it was such a large emotion, never thinking that the Jashinist would have too much pride to say it back. It had instigated a fight....

"_Love?" Hidan stared at him like he had never heard of the word. Kakuzu's eyes crinkled slightly, backpedaling mentally, but it was said already. Instead, he simply kept his aloof exterior, looking away like he had been discussing the weather._

"_Yes, Hidan, love." He replied in a monotone. "Don't you feel it?" He struggled to keep the hope from his voice, succeeding quite well as he glanced over to the silver-haired shinobi._

_Hidan smirked, looking like he thought Kakuzu was joking. "Fuck no!" He said, his tone sounding prideful, as if he was above such earthly feelings by being a Jashinist._

_Kakuzu couldn't help but hurt at that, and turned to look back at Hidan, who had walked slightly behind himself, being unable to read a map as the Jashinist was.__"Hm."_

"_What?" Hidan scowled out, looking defensive. "You didn't expect it, did you, you greedy bastard? Hell, I can barely stand your ass!"_

_Kakuzu couldn't stay silent after that. "Then why are you with me?" He asked, voice sharp and accusatory. Hidan just smirked, crossing his arms like a petulant child. "Fine then." Kakuzu continued coolly. "Then there's no need for us to be together like we have been. In stupid-speak; I'm breaking up with you." He had turned away almost before he was done speaking, like the topic was one of little interest, and thus missed Hidan's reaction._

**  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older  
Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end**

Hidan sighed, fiddling with the sheet like a child trying to outwit sleep and stay up all night. He couldn't sleep, it just wouldn't come. He normally dropped into sleep as soon as his head touched anything that even faintly resembled a pillow, but not tonight. He knew that he'd never forget what Kakuzu and he had shared. He knew that Kakuzu would always be in his thoughts, even when he was older and even if he never saw Kakuzu again. He loved the sutured nin, and he knew it, but...well...it was with another guy! That kind of thing should just be _known_, you shouldn't have to actually say it! It was a thing you just _knew_. He blinked slowly, his lavender eyes clear from the threatening tears of only a few minutes ago.

The break-up was so sudden too. Hidan had barely had time to understand what Kakuzu had said before Kakuzu had walked off. There had been no time to protest or ask if he was serious. Hidan knew what the answer would be anyway;Kakuzu wasn't the type to make idle statements. Whatever Kakuzu said, Kakuzu meant. Hidan bit his lip, worrying at it until it bled. _This can't be the end..._

**  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes**

Kakuzuwalked back to the hotel. He was going to fix it. He couldn't get the Jashinist out of his mind, the way the silver-haired shinobi smirked when he knew that he was winning a fight, the occasional moments that Hidan would be nice or romantic, like the time that Kakuzu had once woken to find Hidan missing, but a rose in his place, Hidan's way of saying the he'd be back soon, and other small quirks. Hidan would claim to anyone that he was the seme, but once it got to the bedroom he was on his back nearly before Kakuzu pushed him there, willing to beg for Kakuzu as long as Kakuzu was willing to make him. Whatever Kakuzu wanted, Hidan was there and up for it in his own special way, though Kakuzu wasn't quite sure if it was just a regular special or kind of stupid of all, though, he simply missed holding and kissing Hidan. The other man, bloodthirsty, insane, totally sadistic, and only a hint masochistic outside his rituals, was so damn _sweet!_ Kakuzu just couldn't get enough of his partner's taste.

**  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me  
I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes**

Hidan sat up, hearing a small noise behind himself, possibly somebody coming in through the curtains. He propped himself up on his right elbow, but before he could turn, he knew who it was from the pure feeling of the room. Kakuzu stood behind Hidan, only inches away. They were both frozen for a moment, a perfect picture of time, then Kakuzu pulled lightly on Hidan's shoulder to turn the man to look up at him. Hidan's violet eyes were wide, never having thought that Kakuzu would come through the window. Their eyes met, lavender meeting scarlet, then Hidan blinked, trying to regain control of his wildly beating heart and stop the red flush from creeping across his face. Kakuzu struggled to stay stoic, then threw it to the wind. Being stoic does not fix things like this. He tugged his mask off, letting it drop to the floor as he leaned down to kiss Hidan.

Hidan froze for a moment; was he trying to just mess with Hidan? Was he getting back with him? Hidan had no idea, but after a second, he threw his arms around Kakuzu's neck and kissed him back passionately. Kakuzu nipped Hidan's bottom lip lightly, knowing just how hard Hidan would want it. Hidan instantly opened his mouth to his lover, his tongue touching the other's for just a moment, then letting himself be devoured by Kakuzu like it was their last day alive. Hidan let out a small, encouraging moan, pulling Kakuzu on top of himself. Kakuzu complied, still kissing Hidan, and as he got on top of Hidan, the Jashinist spread his legs so that Kakuzu could settle between them, as was proper for the seme.

"I'm sorry..." Hidan murmured out as they separated to breathe, his face flushed red and eyes looking sorrowful. He looked up to Kakuzu, praying that he would be believed and forgiven. "I should of sai-" He was cut off by another kiss from Kakuzu, his thoughts scattering like startled birds. His breathing was getting heavy, and Kakuzu could feel Hidan's growing arousal. Kakuzu was much the same, moving to kiss and nibble on Hidan's neck the way he knew that Hidan enjoyed. Hidan's arms moved from encircling Kakuzu's neck to tug off the forehead protector Kakuzu wore, pulling the white covering along with it to toss it away from them, then began to fumble with the buttons of the cloak, hands uncoordinated and making little headway.

Kakuzu pulled up slightly, stopping his ministrations on Hidan to allow the other more thought so he could remove Kakuzu's cloak. A moment later, the black material was on the floor along with Kakuzu's shirt. Before Kakuzu could return to his previous actions Hidan ran his fingers across the small, neat stitching of Kakuzu's arms. _So much better than me..._ Hidan thought fleetingly.

**  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me**

Kakuzu gasped at the touch, the sutures sensitive. He ground against Hidan as Hidan continued to rub the stitches, causing a cry of pleasure of the smaller male, though he somehow managed to not buck up to meet it. "Oh, God, Hidan..." He said as Hidan changed targets, lightly ghosting his fingers around the edges of the masks on his back. There were many nerves there, connecting them to the skin that Kakuzu would always know when the smallest threat could harm his backup hearts. However, as Hidan had found out before, the sensitive nerves were also the best place to get Kakuzu turned on fast because they were so sensitive. Hidan pressed a hint more and Kakuzu moaned, face full of ecstacy, eyes closed at the feelings coursing through his body. Kakuzu's leaned on his hands, firmly planted on the bed on either side of Hidan's head. Hidan looked to see Kakuzu's reaction and was pleased to see the sheer emotion on the male's normally stoic face. Kakuzu's eyes were closed and he panted heavily, little whimpers escaping as Hidan pressed on a extra-sensitive spot near a mask.

Kakuzu opened his eyes to look at Hidan, his eyes captured by the intense lust and wanting he saw in Hidan's eyes. "I- ah!- love y-you!" He stumbled out between cries, and Hidan's eyes widened, pausing in his teasing for a second in surprise. Kakuzu couldn't hold it back, he just loved the insane male he was on top of. Hidan relaxed, then pulled Kakuzu down for a kiss. As they kissed, Kakuzu's threads traveled down Hidan's porcelain body, passing his impressive erection to touch his ass lightly, caressing it, then found Hidan's entrance. Hidan moaned out, wanting Kakuzu inside so badly, then gave a soft, shrill scream as Kakuzu's threads pushed inside, stretching the tight walls. Hidan, while he enjoyed a fair amount of pain in bed, felt no need to be unable to sit or shit for a week, so he expected Kakuzu to stretch him at the least.

Kakuzu's threads looked inside Hidan for a moment, the brushed against Hidan's prostate. Hidan bucked up at the feeling with a pleased groan, legs wrapping around Kakuzu's waist tightly to rub their members together. That was the last for Kakuzu, he needed inside HidanNOW. He yanked his threads out and spread Hidan's legs a slight bit more, positioning himself, then shoved in roughly. It would hurt just right for Hidan, seeing as they regularly did this dry, but it wouldn't tear the stretched tissue. Hidan let out a ear-splitting scream that slowly died as his lover entered him, locking his ankles together around Kakuzu.

"Fuck, Jashin, _yes_, Kakuzu!" He said, not even aware of what he was saying as he bucked up to get Kakuzu in deeper. Kakuzu panted, a gasp falling from his lips as his length was enveloped by Hidan's pure heat, the tightness perfect, as it always was. He pulled out of the albino main nearly to his tip, then thrust back in to the very base, turning it into a rhythm that both loved. "Kakuzuuu!" Hidan called out, arms around Kakuzu's neck as he met each thrust. "Nngh, Jashin!" He panted out in gasps, eyes clouding over with the pure bliss of sex. "I -ah!- love you t-t-tooooo!" He stretched out the last into a shrill, nails digging into Kakuzu's neck as he arched his back high off the bed.

Kakuzu awarded the declaration with an extra-hard thrust to Hidan's prostate. Hidan's head snapped back into a scream. "KAKUZUUUU!" He came, his walls tightening around Kakuzu as his orgasm spilled from his member onto his own and Kakuzu's stomach in a spray of milky-white. Kakuzu felt Hidan's orgasm hit, moaning out as he felt Hidan tighten and convulse around his length, a few more thrusts, then Kakuzu too came, filling the Jashinist.

**  
(And I think you should know this)  
(You deserve much better than me)**

Kakuzu collapsed on Hidan, a content sigh falling from his parted lips. A moment later, he pulled free of Hidan and lay beside him, pulling the silver-haired male closer and putting a possessive arm around Hidan. Hidan, for his part, made a small sound of protest as Kakuzu pulled out, feeling an acute sense of loss. He snuggled up to his lover, arm on Kakuzu's broad shoulder and arm on the stitched chest, the pale white of his own skin contrasting nicely with the dark tan of Kakuzu's. "I do you know." He murmured, looking to Kakuzu and meeting the man's green eyes. "I love you." He said softly and with a small yawn.

Kakuzu graced Hidan with on of his few smiles, a bare upturn of his stitched lips. "I know." He said. _I should of known before._

--------------------------

_November 21__st__: Kakuzu and I got back together last night. I told him I love him...I won't say it much though, and he better as hell know that. But...through all our fights and stupid shit, even when I make up for my stupid-ass mistakes...I still think he deserves much better than me._

--------------------------------------------

Author's notes (2): Yay! I finished this in two big writing streaks, basically last night and this morning. I think I made Hidan and Kakuzu a little out of character, but I'm not quite sure how I would write it any other way. It was actually supposed to end sadly where they never got back together, but I couldn't so that. It's be cruel and unusual punishment to the poor men. So, this is the semi-happy ending I gave it. Thanks for reading!


End file.
